hazzan Diana Brewer was ordained through the aleph ordination program. she leads prayer services regularly at the jewish community of amherst, and is on the staff of the davvenen leadership training institute.

Omer Day 39 נצח שביסוד Netzach SheBiYsod

Eternity. Endurance. Victory. Long Haul. Day-to-Day. Leadership within Foundation. Roots. Connection. Anchor. 

I’m aware that I don’t often draw on the Victory aspect of Yesod, but tonight I am drawn to it. I am thinking about victory over oneself. In particular, I am aware of a couple of particular reactions I’m having to life right now which, let us say, will not serve me over the Long Haul. Both are based in fear - one quite obviously, the other disguised as other things like thoughtful critique. One is quite rational, the other not so much. Both are situations over which I have ZERO control. While I am grateful to say that I am not letting these fearful reactions rule my life, I must admit that they are starting to affect my Day-to-Day. Losing a little sleep, weird dreams, letting someone occupy a little too much rent-free space in my head, things like that. 

I know that the answer is to stay firmly Anchored in my Connections. I can find Victory within my Root system of support, both Divine and human. No amount of worry, snarking, huffing will change whatever outcomes may be awaiting the processes that are stirring the fear pot in me right now. This is not to say that I think I get to be exempt from fear, but I know when I am peeking through a door that would be better left closed.

One of these situations, to return to our running theme, is the mystery of the healing of my daughter’s finger. The closer we get to our follow-up appointment, the weirder the dreams get. As a parent, I am aware of a need to offer her Leadership. If I am scared, I cannot even fathom what must be going on inside of her tender soul at this time, although I get a glimpse by way of the more frequent storms passing through the house.

Today, in particular, I really went out of my way to pass on some of my Foundational values to her. We were able to talk about the basic human need to feel useful as I put her to work putting away the clean dishes. She spoke with excitement about an interview she is planning with a new neighbor for a school project. She observed that this woman - probably around 70, and a German immigrant - must have some interesting MAJOR LIFE LESSONS to share about. Just for fun, I asked my daughter what she thought she has learned thus far. She sort of hedged at first, and then discounted her own answer about appreciating what you have because it didn’t seem to have come from ONE BIG INCIDENT. I told her life lessons still count if they come in gradually. I also told her that I admire her ability to find positive ways of seeing things when disappointment strikes.

I’m a big fan of the One Day At A Time approach to living - Day-to-Day. So, if this is the day that I have, I hope I can find even some small Victories within it. 

May you be blessed with the Endurance that leads to Victory through staying Anchored. May the Leadership you offer come from a sense of Connection. May your Roots nourish you Day-to-Day, over the Long Haul. 

Omer Day 40 הוד שביסוד Hod SheBiYsod

Omer Day 38 תפארת שביסוד Tiferet SheBiYsod