Diana Brewer is a cantorial student in the aleph ordination program. she leads prayer services regularly at the jewish community of amherst.

Omer Day 49 מלכות שבמלכות Malchut SheBeMalchut

Reality. Reality. Shechina. Shechina. Selfitude. Selfitude. Actualization. Actualization. Shechina. Shechina. Shechina. Shechina. Shechina...

Wow! Oh, wait - that’s Hod... Nah, I’m allowed to say Wow at this moment of the Actualization of a Reality I didn’t think would come to pass. Those who have been following each day probably noticed that the writings got really short for a little while. Maybe a little less inspired. I missed one in there during those FIRST TWO WEEKS where the dog took over and turned my world upside-down. Full disclosure time -  I thought of quitting every single day. I’m not sure if it was my stubbornness, my determination to not let this transition throw me far enough off base as to not finish something I started (aka stubbornness), or really what compelled me to keep writing through the fatigue, massively decreased emotional bandwidth, etc. What can I say? I’m a stiff-necked Jew.

Whatever the reason, however it happened, all I know is that when I stood up last night and counted 48 days of the Omer, all I could think was, “I can’t believe I’m still here!” Maybe this is part of what carried me through those tough two weeks. I did, after all, mention more than once that the mindfulness practice of having a lens to focus through was helpful. There were times, though, when I would all but forget about what was going on in the Omersphere, so distracted was I. 

I stand in Awe, once again, of what kind of journeys can unfold over the course of 49 days. There is always something remarkable, some gold nugget of growth that shines forth by the time I reach this moment. I’m delighted to say that this year is no different. I’m so glad I didn’t quit. 

As Shabbat is coming in, I’m doing my usual practice of writing early so that it can reach you before Shabbat, when you may not be lighting up screens and reading emails. I feel a little sad to be writing this before the day actually falls, but I have to let go of that. That is a particular kind of growth in itself. 

May you be blessed on this Shabbat of Malchut SheBeMalchut with time and space to sit back and enjoy whatever growth and healing, whatever new Realities of Selfitude may have come to you during this time. May you be abundantly aware of Shechina, Shechina Everywhere! 

Shabbat Shalom v’Chag Shavuot Sameach. 

The Jane I Cherish: A tribute to Channah bat Shlomo z”l

Omer Day 48 יסוד שבמלכות Yesod SheBeMalchut